Today, I am thinking of the concept of loss, the idea that sooner or later, everyone you know will leave in one form or another. Be it death, distance or whatever else, everyone will go their separate ways. This is unavoidable.
My wife is going through a, for lack of a better term, breakup with a friend. A comment made this afternoon went something to the effect of “I’m not the one who ended the relationship.” This was a false statement, made by someone with a skewed perspective on things in general. (In my wife’s perspective, she didn’t throw the friendship, she was just the only one among the both of them willing to make it official.) In a breakup, there is rarely blame on simply one side. This woman is missed by us and hopefully has gotten things in her life to go the way she wants them, because at last report this was NOT the case.
This is however, irrelevant.
Regardless of whatever is said or done, sometimes things just won’t work out. Somethimes, people are one person when you meet them, them dramatically change in a matter of moments. Sometimes right in front of you. This however is no one’s fault. The only constant on this world is change and the person you befriend in the beginning will never be the exact same person at the end. The very act of inviting someone into your heart changes them and you.
Do you know how many people I had to date, fuck, sleep with, explore and eventually break up with to get the amazing wife I have right now? Too many. But, I would do it all over again.
The most current breakup is NEVER the last. You will invite more people into your life, and most will disappoint you. The ones who do not however, are the ones that were worth all the pain you went through to find them.
I have my wife, my wife has me. We were worth the effort. I know SHE was. =)
My wife’s friend is a treasure and I am grateful she shared her life with us for the time she did, as is my wife. She is a beautiful, vibrant woman with a lot to offer the world and I still love her as much as I did when we started getting close.
Which brings me to my point. Don’t lament that something is finished, rejoice because it happened. Crystal was an absolute joy to have in our lives. She is still a joy to think about. But, in the end, just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that they’re a good fit for your life, and not everyone is.
You have to break a lot of rocks to find a gem worth keeping.
Control. Some people have it, others willingly give theirs up to someone else. Recently, I came across a situation that I never thought I would have to face. A friend that I have had for YEARS, literally for about 16 years, has stopped all overt means of communication to me, and only was “allowed” to contact me via email. In short, I would have been a secret friend.
16 years of history, gone down the shitter because of a jealous fiancee. The reason? If I rolled through town, she would be obliged to cheat on her fiancee with me. I don’t think you really have to bend your mind to know my feelings on this.
First, I despise secrecy. If I can’t be your friend in the light of day, I don’t want to be your friend in the shadows. The reality is that I am too loyal of a person to be simply tossed aside when someone can’t handle my relationship.
Second, I’m an honorable person. I don’t sleep with women with relationships that do not allow for non-monogamy. Not only that, but I won’t speak ill of anyone I don’t really know. Implying that my morals are somehow non-existent is an extreme insult to me. Not only that, but one would think that cheating involves two people to make the same decision. Since I would not, he has nothing to fear. Except that insecure people ALWAYS have something to fear. I’m not insulting him, I’m simply making an observation.
To willingly cede control of your life to someone else is an abomination that I can’t even begin to understand. I don’t ever want to either. If you’re going to marry someone, and let them control who you can and can’t speak to, you’re not in a relationship, you’re being controlled. You either accept who someone is and who they choose to associate with, or you don’t.
My only consolation? The fact that eventually this relationship of hers will end, and she can be my friend again. At this point though, I’m extremely hurt and don’t even know if I would have the grace to invite her back into my life with open arms.
Time will tell, I suppose. But, if she reads this…
So, this is where I am supposed to say what I am thankful for this year, right? I have to be honest, I’m thankful year-round for the things I’ve been lucky enough to have, and the things I have been unlucky enough to lose. Everything comes with it’s opposite, so I suppose I should be pretty specific.
I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made this year, even though some of them have went their own ways. I’m also thankful that because of that last part ,that my wife has found a new sense of self-worth and determination to accomplish her goals.
I’m thankful that my daughter is healthy. I’m thankful that she hasn’t been the hellion that most parents are raising these days, and I’m thankful that her “terrible two’s” stage will be over soon.
I’m thankful that Donna, Mara and I will be proceeding to the next evolution in our lives, and hopeful that it will be every bit as great and wonderful as we have in our heads.
I’m thankful for the money made and spent. I’m simply thankful for the fact that, no matter what the problems, what the situation, and what the outcome, life goes on and will never be as horrible as someone thinks it could be.
I’m absolutely grateful and thankful for my Twitter followers and friends, who make my online existence fun again. I’m thankful that I had the drive to finish my first full length book with enough remaining to start my new one. I’m thankful that my life is starting to be remade into my own image when I got too sick and tired of the one I had been living.
I’m thankful for my friends and family, whether or not they have time for me.
I’m happy and thankful that Seth MacFarlane has successfully trolled America by killing off Brian from Family Guy. Tickled, really.
But, most of all, I am thankful for the people who act the opposite way they should, because it’s given me a template of what NOT to do, and the goal of being a better person than they are. I am thankful for the opportunity to leave people who can’t keep up with my life in the dust, wondering what went wrong.
I’m thankful for the fact that in the past 12 months, my life has changed in ways I can’t even begin to fully explain, and that although the change isn’t always visible, it is there. I am happy for the fact that eventually everything changes, and if you apply your energies properly, the changes will usually be for the better.
I’m thankful for everything that happened to me and mine this year, good or bad. Every tear shed, every hug held a bit longer than needed, every laugh, every angry moment, every single second of my life. Because I’m absolutely thankful to be alive.
Oh, and Pez. I’m very thankful for Pez. And hookers.
My morning is a very lazy affair, which usually goes as follows. (Keep in mind that any of these steps can be circumvented by hearing my daughter in the next room. Her needs come before mine, so I tend to her and pick up where I left off.)
1. Awake to a dark room and look at the clock.
2. Stay in bed for another half hour.
3. Sit up slowly, eyes closed and relax, taking 10 deep breaths.
4. Rub my wife’s butt and kiss her on the forehead or back of the head, depending on which way she is facing.
5. Refuse attempts by my wife to get me back into bed, unless I really got up prematurely.
Since the publication of my book, I’ve been getting few emails (and tweets) asking about everything sex related. Which, you know, is rather flattering. So I figured I might as well answer some of them publicly. Email addresses have been withheld because I’m not a complete dick…
This week, “To Swing or Not to Swing”
What would be the best way to get my wife interested in swinging? How would I go about trying to get her to try it out?
When I was sleeping last night, I had a dream that I was overhearing a conversation about me. I suppose even I can have my narcissistic moments. Here it is presented in its entirety, because I am slightly OCD.
You want to know about Bane? Bane is the king of disproportionate response. If you slap him in the face, he kills you and burns down your house with all your cats. If you ignore him, he treats you like you never existed. That’s what Bane is, the epitome of the “go all out, or go home” mentality.
He is the kind of guy who plots your downfall, whether you’re friend or foe, just in case the two of you are ever head to head. And God help you if you ever are. Bane is the kind of guy who does not plan for failure, because he never fails. Bane will kill you, or die trying. If you damage his reputation, he’ll destroy your life. If you kick his dog, he’ll string yours up in your front yard like a prized gutted deer.
But, on the other hand, if you like him, he’ll always have your back. If you kiss him, he showers you with kisses. If you love him, he’ll never want to be without you. He is both the faithful master and obedient servant. Bane lives his life for one thing, to learn everything that is learnable, and experience everything that is able to be experienced.
He does not fear death, but seeing as he should have died a hundred times before, I wouldn’t be surprised if death fears him. He sees it as another experience, and figures it will come when it comes.
You know what Bane is? Bane is the amplifier of everything you do to him, say about him, or think about him. Treat him right, and he is a jewel in your crown, reflecting brilliant light on everything you do. Treat him wrong and he’s the nail in your coffin when you’re buried alive. He’s the mirror that reflects your self-worth, or shatters and cuts your jugular. He’s the revolving door filled with one part laughing gas, one part cyanide.
Remember, just because he’s smiling at you, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy. A second before the smile, he probably just recognized you for an enemy…
…the smile is because he’s just decided that you’re on borrowed time.
So Crystal came over last night, with a LOT of booze… An amount that would probably killl a small horse… So last night Donna, Crystal and I spent a LONG time being stupid. I have a habit of writing things down that people say while drunk, so that I’ll definitely remember them in the morning. I call them “Sillygrams”. So here is last night’s Sillygram, with appropriate annotations and descriptions.
“Pumpkins hit hard.”
My legs were so heavy last night that i couldn’t get off my chair, the next thing I said was, “THE CHAIR AND I ARE ONE!!!”
“I made a bird sound, humans can sound like birds.”
It’s been about 2 weeks since my last blog post, and really for no other reason that I’ve been busy. I’ve been taking care of my daughter and working on a few projects, while trying to find some kind of way to improve things in my life every day. Today it’s my mental state, as I’ve been slightly headfucked as of late. No big deal, just some internal shit I’m working on, essentially the ongoing revisionism of life. In that same vein, I’d like to talk about something I call the “inertia of destiny”. I don’t even believe in “destiny” in the sense of an inevitable end result of your life. I mean it in the sense of the end result of your life that is essentially what YOU make of it.
However, I am one of those who believe that every once in a while destiny needs a bit of help and the universe steps in to this function. Being an atheist, I realize what this sounds like. It sounds like I’m referring to some kind of naturalistic God that steps in and helps when you need it.
1. If you’re between 10-17 and looking for someone to marry, you’re an idiot.
At this point, sorry but you’re a kid. Listen to Justin Bieber and play your video games. Stop looking for the love of your life and worry about your grades. Get outside and mow the fucking lawn. Talk back to your parents. Sneak out to get wasted at a party. Sit with the cool kids at lunch. Learn to play an instrument. Cut the crusts off your PB & J. Put your fucking iPhone down.
If you’re thinking about marriage, your parents should be shot in the face. Twice. I don’t want to go any further with this item as my blood pressure is already high.
On Saturday, Jeffrey Babbit 62, was put into a coma and is legally brain dead after being hit by Lashawn Marten 31, and hitting his head on the sidewalk. Marten hit Babbit because he was apparently the first white person he saw. Marten’s goal was to “punch the first white man I see.”